i told you this once..

hey

2007-03-19T23:41:40Z

new journal: ohgeniuswords

do with it what you will. ps its friends only.

can i just say

2007-03-19T21:07:39Z

one of the worst things in the world is to hear my sister crying. she gets treated horrible and doesn't deserve any of it. this makes me so angry. she's given way too many second chances, she needs to get out. nobody will know what i'm talking about but i don't really care because this is how i'm feeling right now. furious.

can i just say

2007-03-19T21:06:50Z

Posted using TxtLJ

2007-03-11T17:38:25Z

nowhere to be found.

Posted using TxtLJ

2007-03-08T01:49:46Z

st? "whats one thing michael scofield does that turns me on?" "he breathes."hahahaha. I don't think i can do paragraphs. Ps sherwood for the win.

ugh.

2007-01-31T22:22:36Z

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand hidden in plain view broke up.

stab these knives right into art.

2007-01-26T17:47:05Z

work = done for the week. one more bus ride then time to get ready and go to corvallis.

ps payday at starbucks woooo

rockthrowing

2007-01-26T08:26:15Z

one side of my face is warm. its weird. i'm doing jon's taxes at my moms and talking to skye on aimer. i am getting tired though, i may have to finish this another day.

it is nice to charge my ipod again.

once upon a time

2007-01-25T20:54:14Z

this is not working. i need a reliable source of income. HELP. my dad says i can't get a laptop with my tax return because i am in too much debt. so for the second year in a row, i don't get to use any of my refund money for anything fun. bullshit. i'm sitting at work waiting for the bus. its freezing out. corvallis tomorrow. thankgod.

saturday equals =/

but caity kiley will be home and there will be girl time and i can't wait.

here.

2007-01-25T05:41:54Z

things have changed, but here it is from now back to where we last left off.

whew. now you know. its funny how much things have changed from DSCN1624 to DSCN1824.

me

2007-01-24T23:21:04Z

this is how i am feeling

conflicted
nostalgic
accomplished
excited
frustrated
let down
optimistic
pessimistic
confused

all at once. my mind is reeling a little. i miss other states.

hummmm

2007-01-24T01:13:24Z

last night was nice. i missed downtown when its dark. part of the night got heavy, but i had a really good talk with someone i've missed a lot. and i hope he knows that i'm thinking of him and i want him to be so happy. its just too bad losing touch had to be such a big part of the last two years.

ahhh i just found out i don't have to cover for the receptionist tomorrow so i may get to stay home and work from there. yesss.

i will be posting pictures whenever i can upload them. lets just say that chelle, jon and joe are totally favorites.

one night and one more time.

2007-01-23T19:40:10Z

being three hours late to work is my favorite way to start the day.

i need to stop this

not my favorite story.

2007-01-23T05:57:01Z

its really frustrating when the one person who seems to care can't really do anything about it.

michelle and i decided that we are tired of this same old story. all we really need is bedtime bear, ew, duck tales woo, and the placental blanket. and each other. duhh.

ps new fall out boy is fantastic.

wait out the days.

2007-01-19T18:51:39Z

going to work for the first time after having four days off is hard. especially when you and your friends decide to spontaneously drive to corvallis at two am. it was a fun car ride. loud singing. really thick fog. good buds. home by six am, sleep by six thirty, up by eight and out of the house by eight thirty. ten thirty, get to work. and guess what. no bosses here. no work to be done. nothing until noon. fantastic! i want this day to be over so i can go home and put my sweatpants on and take a nap. michelle got her pain killers yesterday so i am glad that my best friend is not in terrible pain anymore. she is happier and can actually move around a bit, so it was nice to get out of the house. other than our ridiculous sledding escapade, we've spent the last three whole days laying in bed, partially sleeping, partially texting and laughing about stupid shit (including our ridiculous sledding escapade). going upstairs only to make top ramen. talk about going stir crazy. but my friends are okay and i will do everything i need to take care of them. caity's coming home today so i know that will have joseph feeling better and i know it will be nice for caity to finally be here and see everyone, especially after having to go through the whole emergency room ordeal via me on the telephone. ps i miss her.

jordan is home for the weekend and tonight equals hella popcorn and boondock saints!!! since him and michelle are both pretty much invalids. cory is going to come play too and i am excited.

i had somewhat of an epiphany yesterday and decided that i am so done dwelling on things i can't change. i'm done fighting other people's battles and holding stupid grudges. its a waste of my time and certainly does nothing for my emotional state. so i'm doing my best to mend fences with the people i may have trouble with. even if it doesn't mean being friends, i want to be on civil terms with people. because the thought of people hating me, or me hating/disliking them just makes me feel yucky. when it all comes down, its just not really worth it. i'd rather be on good terms with people then waste my time harboring bad feelings and knowing they are doing the same for me. this was my realization, and i feel really good.

maybe i'll go find someone to talk to.

thank god they are okay.

2007-01-17T19:30:17Z

last night was the scariest night i have ever had.

a few of us decided that we would go sledding around midnight in some industrial area in clackamas. then a few decided maybe towing the sled behind the truck would be even more fun. i was super sketch about this idea and didn't want to try it but i ended up doing it anywyas. we hooked the sled to the back of the truck with a tow rope and the driver would just go in a circle on a road that went around this warehouse. i went on with joe and it was really fun. but still scary as shit.

so michelle and joe decided to take another turn. jon and i rode in the bed of the truck standing and holding onto the rack on top watching them. they got so close to the end when the driver picked up speed and the sled swung out to the side sending michelle and joe flying at 45 miles an hour into a tree. joe jumped off and landed on a tree stump on his back. michelle went flying off the sled, flipped twice in midair and went headfirst into the tree. she landed on the hard ice/snow on the road and ended up on her back.

jon and i screamed at them to stop the truck and jumped out of the back. my honest first reaction was "oh my god. she's dead." its terrible but she was lying there so still and i lost it. corey was watching from by the other car and had run over to michelle. i remember running to her and crying, and was told afterwards that i was screaming bloody murder. i don't remember making any noise at all. my heart was in my throat and i thought i was losing two of my best friends in the whole world. it was the most terrifying thing i have ever seen.

i got to michelle and all i could see was blood running down her face and spattered in the snow around where she was laying. my legs went out from under me and i dropped down next to her. her eyes were opening and she was actually responsive. i could not comprehend how she could possibly be conscious after an impact like that. i was trying to stay calm because she was in shock and couldn't feel any pain yet. she was like guys i feel fine don't worry but she saw me crying and asked what had happened and we told her not to move, that her head was hurt. i run over to joe and he is on the street on his back screaming in pain. i told him not to move, but he was so afraid that he was paralyzed that he was on his feet in seconds making sure he could still move. i shouldn't have let him move but he jumped up so fast i couldn't stop him. we wanted to call 911 but nobody knew exactly where we were and we knew we just had to get them to the hospital as fast as humanly possible. we lifted michelle off the snow and behind her head was a huge pool of blood. i lost it, automatically thinking she had hit the back of her head as well as the front but we checked and it had just happened because of how she was laying. i couldn't see how bad the wound on the front of her head was because there was so much blood. i was just crying and crying and hoping and hoping that they were okay. we loaded in the cars and corey and i rode with michelle in jon's car. we held her hands and jon was not only fast but managed to get us to the hospital in record time considering the weather conditions.

we got them both inside and i filled out some paperwork for michelle and joe while the lady at the front desk got the wound cleaned up and put a bandage on it. my hands were shaking so hard that i had to start over on michelle's paper because i messed up the writing. michelle was so brave through the whole thing. she actually cracked jokes most of the time and people were thinking she was delirious but it was just michelle. i know if it were me i would have passed out or been freaking out the entire time. she was just like "wow guys this is like HxC huh?" with blood running all down her face. she was the one trying to make everyone laugh. i called her dad and let him know what had happened but both her parents were stuck in the snow and couldn't make it out. joe's parents came and we all waited about an hour and a half for the doctor to see them. they got rooms across from each other and corey and i went in with michelle and held her hands while the doctor stitched her up. she was so freaking tough. i can't even imagine being in her place. i was so scared and all she was worried about was the anesthesia shot since she hates needles so much.

joe had to get x-rays and an EKG because all of the pain he was having was internal. he had a few scrapes on his face but mostly was having back, neck and chest pains and trouble breathing. i talked to caity a few times to let her know things were going okay. but seeing joe hooked up to the heart monitor and all those wires was so scary. i was completely beside myself.

after the doctor finished stitching her up (she's got six stitches in her forehead) and gave her a tetanus shot and a prescription for antibiotics, they discharged michelle and we checked on joe one last time. he was waiting on the results of his x-rays and wouldn't be out for another couple hours. he was in a lot of pain and i felt terrible seeing him like that. chelle had a minor concussion so jon corey her and i came back to the house and talked in our room for a while. we did our best to cheer jon up, but he felt absolutely terrible. even though it wasn't his fault at all. he felt so responsible. but he was amazing and i don't know what we would have done without him. i also don't know what chelle or i would have done without corey there. he stayed strong the whole time and kept chelle calm and me sane. corey left for school/work around four thirty and we tried to sleep a little bit. ended up only sleeping for about a half hour, then decided we were hungry and came upstairs and made food. we're all really wound up and we've all just been sitting in the living room with chelle's mom talking about everything since then. i don't think i could sleep right now if i tried.

we just found out that joe got his x-rays back and he's just got a lot of bruising of the neck, back, and i think ribcage. i am so relieved to hear it. he is in a lot of pain but i am so glad that he is okay. they discharged him and he's back at home now.

so all in all, we've probably never gone along with a stupider idea in our lives. and we are all so lucky they came out in the shape they did. i can't even explain how many thoughts were going through my head throughout the last eleven or so hours. for a while i there, i thought i was losing some of my best friends and it was the most horrible half hour of my entire life. there is nothing scarier than seeing two of your best friends in such a horrible accident. i am so thankful that they are okay. never ever ever again will we do something so stupid.

i know this was long, but it was impossible for me to explain all this to people over the phone in the waiting room of the ER. so here's the whole story.

lets go

2006-12-21T21:29:01Z

oh ps friends only kah?

man..

2006-11-22T19:14:29Z

this is getting old.

come on, i need some help. finding a job is a lot easier said than done. i'm beyond frustrated.

i'm excited to have a few days to just spend with my family, eat a big vegan thanksgiving feast, and talk and laugh with some good people.

caity's home and i cannot wait until friday. we've got hella faces to talk off and i'm really looking forward to it. warm coffee and katiecaity hangouts are long overdue.

oh and i finally got a new cell phone charger today. no more taping the cord at weird bent angles just to make it work. that was annoying.

i guess i'll go check on the girls in their clubhouse now.

wish me luck.

my brother is talking in his sleep

2006-11-21T08:35:40Z

today was a good day. and tomorrow will be a good day with a sad ending.

i feel hag right now. i'm going to sleep then get up, shower and go watch the kids. after that.. hella jamba juice at lloyd center boiii.

ps we did something funny today. its janky but i love it.

PS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF ALL OF THIS IS THAT I SAW THE TRAILER FOR ORDER OF THE PHOENIX TODAY AND IT MADE MY HEART JUMP INTO MY THROAT. JULY 13TH, 2007 = BEST DAY EVER. HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2006-11-18T22:45:13Z

I HATE SELLWOOD IT IS HORSE SHIT.

AND THEN THE MANAGER CALLED ME A DUMBASS.. LIKE HE'S MY DAD AND SHIT!

could be.

2006-11-17T16:21:14Z

please please please please let me get this job. things are going so well right now, it would be amazing if on top of it all, i got a good job and could stop worrying so much about when the next time i will be able to eat is.

please

you take three breaths

2006-11-16T19:34:10Z

i feel content. this was a long time coming.

i need a dresser for my clothes. and to somehow create some small sense of privacy in my little tiny pseudo room at my mom's house. ahhh. i am tired but i have to go to work in an hour. tomorrow is pay day, thankfully. so i can pay off my overdraft charges, just what i've always wanted.

saturday i want to hang out with my chelle. lets make this happen.

i want it to be seven pm.

doraaaa

2006-11-09T23:35:41Z

last night i had moons over my hammy with niko mary tava and bryan. quite possibly my last moons over my hammy (without the hammy) experience ever. i think i am going to go vegan really soon. then we sat around and watched south park with dave and my team and after mary and tava went home, aron and her sister and her sister's bf came and got me. we went back to her house and watched the grudge (aka scariest movie ever i hate it) this morning we got smoothies at dutch brothers and now i'm babysitting the twins. i want to be done so i can take the bus home and play with mary and niko and tava again. i also want it to be sunday so i can go to ashland and see all my buds plus showbread.

i have to go make the girls dinner.

i have to say things are going well. i'm glad for the decision i made and i think it is for the best. its better than giving up.

ps my and my team are having our ONE YEAR TEAMAVERSARY on christmas!!! how special. i love him!

pss i am the most confused by one other.

its not your fault

2006-11-03T01:09:28Z

halloween was fun. me tava mary niko and kind of aidan just hung out at home. we watched random disney channel movies and dyed my hair. i love those girls. last night we had denny's. moons over my hammy without the hammy was worth the wait. its been nice having four days off and i'm not entirely looking forward to going back tomorrow especially since its my brother's birthday and i'm going to miss the dinner. but oh well. its money. i had a job interview at the temp agency yesterday morning. it went really well and they are going to call me as soon as they find a position that fits what i'm looking for. this is exciting for me because it means soon i will be actually making enough money to survive AND finally start paying my dad back on the massive amount of money i owe him.

i think today equals value village for winter clothes. this is very necessary as it has been cold as tits the past week ish. halloween night was the coldest thing ever. i think i got frostbite sitting outside the satyricon.

i think i may go see municipal waste with my brother on the tenth. they are playing with gwar. bahaha.

in eleven days i am going to ashland with aron and shelly and her friend to see showbread play and finally to see all my a-town friends i haven't seen in over a year. i'm really really excited. i think this will be good for all parties involved. i would not be the person i consider myself to be without forgiveness and it is my turn to have that forgiveness for others. this is a good thing.

one two three four five.

GUESS WHAT

2006-10-31T05:36:34Z

BRYAN'S LISTENING TO FALL OUT BOY.

PASS IT ON